Potholes
by godzillais
Summary: Moving in with your estranged brother wasn't easy at all. Especially when summers coming and you're forced to wear long sleeves or else risk upsetting him. It doesn't help that you crashed and burned at a cute blonde's feet. Akuroku, Cleon, Reno/Rude. Self-harm & abuse heavy mentions. But it's generally a happy story. Warnings will go by chapter, please be mindful of them.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hello and welcome to this story! The more of this that I've written, the less and less I've wanted to post it. I've been writing versions of this fic since before I myself ended up in a group home (three years or more). It's a very personal story to me. Normally I welcome constructive criticism in my comments, but I ask you to please refrain from any of that with this story.

That being said, please heed the warnings, in some of the later chapters, the abuse becomes more than a passing mention, and so may the self-harm. Also, note that the story is currently unfinished, it's only about 20K words, and is planned to be much longer. Updates may be slow, at times, so bare with me. I'm going to try and update between every two weeks and every month. I may forget, though, so I apologize for that.

Cross posted from A03

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy 7. If I did, I would probably be rich.

 **Warnings:** general

* * *

Life had gotten hard. Things had happened that I never wanted to happen, I had gone places I never want to go. Things had changed. Not the good kind of changed, where people grew and became better than they were before. I was worse off if anything, not that I was too well off before.

Life had left me spinning quite a bit when it had finally decided to give me a break. Kind of like those old time cartoons where something fast would run by the character, and the character would be left in the dust spinning. Yeah, that was me. Left in the dust spinning.

Going to a group home was weird, better than a hospital, but still weird. Like, your an adult, but you're treated like a child. You can only go out with staff members. You had to take your medication when they told you too. Dinner was at set times. You had chores. Worse was how your freedom was a privilege. You had to earn the freedom you had had for a while like it was taken away from you.

Sure they couldn't do anything bad to punish you if you broke the rules, but you still tried not to.

The circumstances under how I ended up at a group home weren't very pleasant. I didn't like thinking about them at all, and I know that's avoidance, but I don't care. I'm not ready yet.

Getting out of a group home is difficult. Sure you can sign yourself out whenever, but that's not to say you won't get put back in a hospital, or shoved into another home. It's best to leave on good terms and try and go to a family members.

I didn't have much family. One side of it I would never talk to, the abusive assholes. The other side was mostly dead, or too distant for it to ever work. That left one person, who thankfully was persistent in trying to build a relationship after our mom died.

Reno.

Reno was my brother, and at one point we had been very close to one another. Back when I was a child, and he was there to keep our father from beating the shit out of me. He left, though, the second he turned 18 he was gone. Out of my life living his without so much as a letter to see how we were.

I hated him for it. I hated every second of my life, and he tried to make it not so bad. Tried to make my life worth living so I wasn't the youngest suicide victim. He just left me. Left me to die, and I was so mad at him for it.

Now he was back, he had helped pay for and plan mom's funeral, helped me get out of the hospital long enough to go to it. Then when I ended up at the group home, he had tried to grow a connection with me. I was still angry at him, but it was more of a slow burn now. My life had been so crazy the last few years that the anger had died down to the point where I didn't care.

Over a year's worth of weekly therapy sessions with him meant that I was finally able to leave and join him in his perfect life. Away from the violence. Away from the commotion. Just a nice simple development on the edge of a lake, with him and his boyfriend Rude.

The car was rocketing up the highway, Rude at the wheel. I sat staring out the window, watching as the trees passed. My music was turned up to the point where it drowned out even my thoughts. I was starting to have second thoughts, that grew and grew with every passing mile marker. This wasn't going to work, and I was so fucking scared.

My phone buzzed in my hand and I unlocked it to see a message from Demyx.

Demy: Heeey bubby, how are you doing?

I sighed and Rude's eyes flashed to me in the rear view mirror. Rude was a silent kind of guy, which I liked. He didn't seem fazed by my anger in the therapy sessions. He didn't stare at my scars the day I mistakenly decided to wear a tee-shirt around Reno. He didn't talk all the time.

I started to type my reply on my phone, but I was getting car sick since I hadn't eaten anything yet today. I wasn't going to say anything, though, I would just wait to eat until one of them got hungry. Thinking I may have had a snack in my backpack I pulled it over to me. Luckily enough there was a sleeve of saltine crackers. I tried to discretely eat them, but Rude noticed. He was damn observant.

"Anyone hungry?" He said stirring my brother from his dozing. I took out an earbud and he repeated himself. "Anyone hungry, we're passing an exit in about two miles."

Reno nodded, "I'm a little hungry." I quickly hid my crackers since I knew what was coming next. It wasn't like I had a problem eating in front of people, but I didn't want to get bitched at for eating crackers in what seemed like a predestine SUV. Reno turned in his seat and smiled at me. "How about you Axel? You up for some food?"

"Sure," I muttered.

Reno's smile brightened and he turned around again, "Yeah Rude, let's stop and see what there is."

Rude nodded, and when the exit came up he pulled off. The only thing there was a McDonalds which was fine. That meant we could eat in the car and it would all around be quicker.

Reno bought my food, or well Rude bought it, but I figured they shared expenses or something. They'd know each other long enough to be at that point. Reno had told me they had been together for close to five years. At least they seemed past the honeymoon stage of their relationship.

I asked them how much longer the drive was going to be. I was getting tired, mostly emotionally tired. For some reason, I hadn't gotten actually tired for years. I was always too afraid to sleep.

"Only about an hour left," Reno said as Rude pulled the car onto the highway. I was grateful for that. I didn't know how much longer I could stand being in a car so close to my brother.

He's so much like my mom that it's almost sickening. So sweet and kind of dumb. Goofy. Doesn't realize how shit the world is even when it's staring him in the face.

He makes me sick.

Reno and Rude live in a happening college town. It's a popular spot for tourists, so it has lots of stuff to do. Though some parts are scummy, Reno and Rude live in a fairly nice part of town. It's a newer development, with ranch houses. All of the streets have a different color, but the houses themselves are all a different shade with different colored trimmings. Reno's street is green, and his house is forest green with dark wood colored trim.

He luckily doesn't live too far from the lake access, which the development has their own private beach of.

Their next door neighbor was mowing the lawn and waved to us as we got out of the car. He's blonde and kind of short. He looks like he works with his hands and lifts heavy stuff. There's a motorcycle parked in the neighbors driveway. It looks expensive and well taken care of.

The neighbor looked like he would of come over and talked if I hadn't been there. I was thankful he had the tact to leave us alone.

When I go to grab some of my bags to help Rude carry them in, he brushes me off. "Reno wants to show you the house." He mutters opening the back hatch. I give him a weird look but walk in after my brother anyway.

The kitchen is the first room you walk into, it's large and looks state of the art. There is a living room across from the front door and a hallway off to the side. Reno gives me a moment to take it all in before he decides to speak, "So your room is down the hall, next to the downstairs bathroom. Upstairs is Rude and I's bedroom and my study. If you need anything at any time feel free to come up and give us a knock."

I nod at him, "Okay."

He starts to walk down the hall, "We got you all new bedroom furniture." I follow him and stand behind him as he opens my door.

There's new dark stained wooden furniture scattered about the room. The bed, that has soft blue bed covers, is over in the right side corner. There's a dresser opposite of that. On the wall where the door is there's also a desk with room to store books on it.

"Did you, uh, buy all of this for me?" I question Reno, who is fixing the shade on one of the lamps.

He turns to me and nods, "Yeah! It's well-made stuff, it should last you a lifetime if you want it to."

I nod and sit down on my bed. I'm perplexed at the situation at hand. No one has ever bought me or my mom anything, let alone nice bedroom furniture. I eye Reno has he dusts off the top of my dresser. Was he doing this to make up for leaving? Probably. But if it made him feel better I'd let him do whatever he needed. It wasn't going to be fixed that easily.

Rude comes in a minute later carrying my bags. I don't have a ton of stuff, most of it I sold when I went into the group home. He sets them down gently on the floor and stands up straight. He checked his watch and coughed, "We'll have dinner at around 8." He looks at me, "We grabbed some of the snacks you said you liked if you need help finding them just ask. They're drinks in the fridge. I'll leave you two alone now." He then turns and leaves, leaving me alone again with my brother.

Reno stands there awkwardly, he starts to bite his thumbnail which was a nervous habit I remembered him having since he was a kid. "You all set to unpack? Or would you like some help?" He asks offering me a strange smile.

I shake my head, "I'm fine."

He nods and starts moving towards the door. "If you need anything I'll be in the living room."

I wasn't in the mood to unpack anything right now, so I grabbed my phone and laid down on my new bed. This was such an awkward day, all I wanted to do was sleep at this point. I was worn out. Leaving the group home was starting to not seem like such a good idea. I glared at the ceiling, my therapist has said I was ready to leave. Why was everything so hard now? I used to be so strong.

My phone buzzes, and I move it in front of my face.

Demy: I take it you're still driving?

Me: No just got to their place.

Demy: Ah! Hey bubby, how is it so far? Is their house clean at least?

Me: yeah they also bought me a bunch of new bedroom furniture, which is nice I guess.

Me: what are you up to Dem?

Demy: just hanging with Xiggy (alone omg[change maybe?])

Me: stop texting me then dweeb

Demy: :) kay

I moved until my head was resting against the cool wall. Demyx had been the only steady normal thing throughout this whole ordeal. He had been my friend for years now, and I was damn lucky he didn't ditch me like my others had.

We had met when we were kids, around 11. He was the new kid, and he was getting bullied. I had no tolerance for kids getting bullied, even if I was usually the only one who was. I walked over and punched the bully right in his fat face and he ran off crying. Demyx had stayed by my side mostly for protection reasons that year, but the next year he was still my friend, and we had been friends ever since.

I must have fallen asleep thinking about Dem, since the next thing I knew, a weight was lowering itself to my bed and a hand was resting on my shoulder. "Axel?"

Stirring, I roll onto my back, it's Reno. "Yeah?" I squinted my eyes since my overhead light was on. I moved to sit up and stared at him. "What time is it?"

"8:15, supper's ready."

I nod, "I'll be out in a second." Reno gave a curt nod and stood up. As he was leaving he turned and we stared at each other for a moment, before he sighed and left.

I groaned and flopped back on my bed. This is horrible. Awkward and horrible. I just wanted it to be over with already. I wanted to be put out of my misery.

I sat for a second thinking. I didn't have anywhere to go, so that wasn't an option. I didn't even know how to drive, so stealing a car wouldn't work anyway. My pills were locked up in Reno's bedroom, so there was no chance of just offing myself. I groaned loudly and banged my head against my pillow. I couldn't stay in my room forever, and I was getting fairly hungry now that I thought about it. The food smelled good at least, so that was a plus.

Groaning again I rolled off my bed and into the standing position. I do it too quickly, and my vision starts to get spotty. My stupid medication lowers my blood pressure, but if I don't take it I have nightmares and that's no fun. After that stopped I readied myself for an awkward family dinner.

There's a plate waiting for me at the table in the kitchen. Rude and Reno are sitting next to each other leaving me to sit next to Rude and the empty chair.

The food was spread out on the table, there was rolls, ham with raisin sauce, alongside a bowl of green beans, and some mashed potatoes. It looks delicious, and I can't help but wonder who cooked it. I don't remember Reno being a good cook. I sit down and they both look at me, Reno with a smile and Rude with a blank look.

I chew on my lip for a second unsure whether I was allowed to just take something. I noticed neither of them had anything on their plates, so I just gave Reno a confused look. "Uh, do we just dig in or something?" I ask.

Reno nods, "We were just waiting for you."

"Oh." That's uncomfortable.

Rude is the first to break the awkward tension by reaching out and grabbing a slab of ham. "Dig in whenever guys." He mutters after filling his plate. He has a small smile on his face has he looks between the two of us and our Mexican standoff.

I moved next grabbing some food and filling my plate. It was good food, I had to give whoever cooked it that. I ate everything that I put on my plate. I wanted to grab seconds but I was too afraid to. No one talked throughout the entire dinner, though every so often Rude would give Reno a look and Reno would smile softly.

They seemed so in love with each other. It was both nice and sickening at the same time. How did he get so lucky? The last relationship I was in the man forced me to have sex with him every time his main girlfriend didn't put out. Not to mention I was the high school slut. I never liked sex. It was always so rough and dirty, but maybe that was because I was always forced into it.

I had never gotten the chance to make love with someone, and frankly that concept felt like a crock of shit.

I waited until Rude was finished eating to take my last few bites. I didn't know the rules of the house and wanted someone's lead to follow. I follow him up and set my dish in the sink. I start to walk down the hall to my room when Reno calls out to me. "Hey Axel, wait." I stopped and turned on my heel slowly. Before making my way back into the kitchen.

Reno was standing at the sink next to Rude, who was rinsing the dishes. He came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Are you just going back to sleep or would you like to come out and watch TV with us?"

I shrug, watching TV with them sounded like the last thing I wanted to do, plus I still had to unpack. "I was just going to watch a movie on my laptop." Lie.

"Do you want the wifi password?" He asks.

"Sure I guess," I mumble, I haven't had the internet in years, I probably wouldn't know what to do with it. I knew YouTube was still a thing, though.

He pulls out a pen and piece of paper from a drawer and writes something on it. He hugs me as he hands it to me. I hug him back awkwardly and start to walk to my room. Hugs had been something my therapist wanted me to try with him, and since then he had taken full advantage of it. I think that was his way of showing love since he has yet to say it to me.

I figured I would play some music as I unpacked, then shower and watch some YouTube videos.

Luckily enough I don't have much to unpack, mostly clothes and some books. I unpacked my books first, I wanted to make sure none of them were damaged. Most of my books were non-fiction books about horses, or World War Two. Since those were my two main interests.

My clothes are all pretty plain. Thrift store shirts and pants mostly. Nothing to write home about. I set the few pieces of my mom's jewelry in one of my desk cubbies. I don't bother to open it and look today.

Once I was done and had taken a shower, I lay down on my bed. I was so done with today it wasn't funny. I don't even bother setting up my laptop, I just curl into a ball and rest my head against the cool wall. I tried hard to think of good things, but my mind kept cycling back to bad things.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N :** Roxas Chapter! Please enjoy. (Just a note, these are all coming out at the same time)

 **Warnings:** A little gross at the end?

 **Disclaimer:** Still don't own it

* * *

 **Roxas POV**

My alarm clock is more of a joke at this point. It tells me to sleep more than telling me to wake up. Like "oh 6am better catch that two hours of sleep before Cloud wakes up." Normally I just ignore it, and today is no different.

6 am means I can go play video games. I sneak out of my room, past Cloud and Leon's door. I'm almost down the stairs before I hear the floor creak behind me. I look up and sigh in relief, it's just Leon. "Mornin'," I mumble to him.

He nods at me and pushes past me, not even bothering to miss the creaky stairs. I shake my head at him and follow him out to the kitchen. I go over to the freezer and pull out two chocolate chip waffles and pop them in the toaster while Leon stares down a cup of instant coffee.

I grab out the cream cheese and wait for the toaster to pop my waffles. Leon and I only sort of jump when the toaster pops. As I'm smearing cream cheese on my waffles I ask Leon for a cup of coffee and he chuckles at me, "When was the last time you slept?"

I glare at him, "Not that long ago."

He chuckles again and shakes his head, "Nope."

"Bitch," I mutter under my breath, causing him to laugh again as he makes his way into the living room. I grab a glass of milk and go to sit down in the living room. If Leon's up that means no video games. I should have remembered that it's Monday, and if it wasn't he would already be at work.

He flips the TV to some channel that sells stuff all day. It's his and I's version of mindless television. They're currently doing an electronic segment, which is my favorite because all the products are just bullshit. Who even uses electronic picture frames anymore.

After I'm done my waffles I go out to grab something else to eat. I'm bored and tired but don't want to sleep so I'm going to eat to stay awake. Leon watches me from the couch, he knows what I'm doing.

I grab a bag of chocolate chip cookies, and when I come back into the living room Leon shakes his head at me. "What?"

"You are such a 21-year-old."

I grin at him and dig into the cookies.

We watch television for a while before Cloud comes down. He wraps his arms around Leon's shoulders and they kiss for a minute. He looks like he slept well at least. He comes over and sits next to me on the love seat. I offer him some cookies and he takes a few. "Thanks." He mumbles yawning into his hand. "Why are they even trying to sell this?" He asks motioning go the TV and shoving a cookie in his mouth. "Who the fuck wants a stand alone GPS anymore?"

Leon laughs at us, "I swear it's you two who are the twins."

Cloud and I look at each other. "I don't see it." We both say in unison. Leon laughs again and Cloud smiles softly.

Just before lunch time I start to get tired enough that food isn't keeping me awake. Cloud pushes me towards my bedroom and tells me to rest since we're going grocery shopping tonight.

I sleep for about three hours before I start to have a nightmare, and my service dog in training Daisy wakes me. I scratch her head, and throw the ball to her a few times, I don't have anything breakable in my room anyway.

Cloud comes up hearing Daisy's ball bouncing against the wall. He sits down on my bed and ruffles my hair. "Are you going to need to go back to the hospital again soon?" He asks after a moment of silence.

I shrug, "Probably." I mutter quietly.

He hums and brushes his hand through my hair again. I sigh and curl tightly against myself. Daisy licks my face a few times before climbing up on the bed and laying across my hips. I scratch her fur. I pull a treat out of the bag on my side table and hand it to her. She eats it and I go back to petting her.

"Do you want to come and sit outside? I'm going to be doing some yard work." He says after a few minutes, I meet his eyes and he smiles, "You don't have to help today."

I snort, "Okay."

He moves to stand up and leaves the room. I lay there for a few more minutes, thinking about how much I don't want to have to go back to the hospital. It's kind of inevitable that I'll end up there again. My sleep is getting so bad that I'm starting to hallucinate while I'm awake. This is really no way to live.

I get up and go to take a cold shower. I dress in a loose tee-shirt and a pair of shorts. Honestly, I think the shirt is Leon's, but he never minds me wearing his clothes. I grab some lunch and take it and a book out to the porch.

As I'm eating Cloud starts to mow the lawn, I see that Reno and Rude's SUV isn't in their driveway, so I figure they must have gone to pick up Reno's younger brother. I've heard a bunch of Cloud and Reno's conversations about the elusive younger brother that Reno's never mentioned until now.

I know Reno's mom died like almost two years ago now, and that's when I started to hear about this Axel Sinclair character. Ever since Reno has been driving somewhere every Tuesday morning, and being gone for most of the morning. Cloud's been frustrated because Tuesdays were when Reno and he met to discuss their book, now that has to be Thursdays. I've always thought Cloud was too anal about keeping things on a schedule.

Anyway, I heard the other night that Reno and Rude are bringing the little bugger home. I kind of wonder if he's much younger since I've caught sips of 'a large age gap'. Maybe he's been in foster care or something. I didn't hear about Reno's dad dying, though, then again I've never heard anything about Reno's dad.

I perk up as I see Reno and Rude pull up in their SUV. Cloud even stops mowing the grass.

Instead of a younger kid, a lanky 20 something drags himself out of the car. He's wearing a sweatshirt even though it's 75+ degrees out. He has large black bags under his eyes, making him look like he spent the entire night doing heroin. You can tell he's skinny, even under the frumpy sweatshirt and baggy jeans.

I'm kind of nervous at how hard my heart starts beating.

He doesn't really look around just kind of follows Rude's directions to the house and then he's gone.

Cloud and I share a look, he cocks his head at me and I shake mine. Rude waves at us and we both wave back. Axel doesn't have a lot of stuff, one trip with a few bags and that's it. I watch as Cloud gives me one last look before he moves on to mowing the lawn.

Leon comes out to the porch a while later, as Cloud starts to weed the flowers Aerith planted in our front yard. Leon hands me a water and goes to give one to Cloud. The whisper to each other for a few minutes, before Cloud gently presses his lips to Leon's forehead. They both smile at each other and I make a gagging noise.

"You two are gross."

Leon laughs and Cloud glares at me, "Hush, or I'm making you help me."

"Okay, mom," I say sarcastically, Cloud rolls his eyes and goes back to weeding the flowers.

Leon comes over and sits next to me on the porch swing. We don't talk, instead choosing to both watch Cloud, though I'm pretty sure Leo's staring at his butt. The swing rocks a bit and I look at Leon to see him fidgeting. We eye each other for a few minutes before I decide to speak, "Rough night?"

He hums and I take that as a yes.

"I could tell this morning," I say kicking my legs a bit. "If you need to talk you know I'm here."

Leon scruffs my hair and it makes me feel a bit like I did when I was a kid. "Thanks, Rox."

I nudge him, "If Daisy is more to your liking you're free to steal her for an hour or two. I'll only charge you $50 for your time with her."

He cracks up causing Cloud to look up in our direction. "If you two are feeling well enough to laugh, you should be over here helping me weed."

"No thanks, mom," I say making Cloud roll his eyes. Leon sighs and stands up and goes to help Cloud out with the flowers.

When we were kids, I never thought I'd see Cloud be in a caretaker position. Especially not for two grown adults, though if I brought it up with him he'd deny it saying he was just taking care of his family. Even then, though, he's always been closed off to his emotions. A fight through things and never deal with the aftershocks kind of a guy.

When I first met Leon, I was in my fifth hospital stay. Cloud brought him, because, after this stay, Cloud was granted full legal custody of me even though I was 19 years old, and I was going back to his house instead of going back to my parents or going to- God forbid- a group home. I should meet the person who Cloud was dating at least once.

The second Leon walked through the door to my room, I knew he had been through some shit. I think it was the blank look in his eyes like he was on a different planet. Cloud was so nervous while introducing us, I mean I'm a fairly blunt person, and God forbid I upset the love of Clouds life. His nervousness was justified.

Leon and I looked at each other for a while. His gray eyes roamed over my self-harm marks and my overly thin body. My own blue ones watched small sparks of life make their way into his eyes. "You two could be twins." He mumbled after around five minutes of Cloud hovering over us. He looked up at Cloud, and something else sparked in those silvery eyes. That's when I decided to try and help Cloud make this work. I'd never seen anyone look at my brother like that, it was the kind of spark my mom got when she looked at my dad and vice-versa.

Cloud smiled at him and gripped his shoulder for a second before sitting down on the bed next to me.

Once I moved in with Cloud, I realized just how much Cloud was enamored with him. Cloud liked to sleep, he liked it a lot, so the first night I came out of my room at 2am only to hear Cloud sleepily talking on the phone, I knew that man was something special.

I slowly got to know Leon more as he started slowly moving his stuff into Clouds house. I seemed to be the only person who noticed that now half the shit in this house belonged to Leon and that most our laundry was mixed together.

When I found a pair of cum-stained boxers that most certainly did not belong to Mr. Boxer-Briefs, I brought it up. We were eating Pizza together, watching a movie. I was on the love seat, which I had claimed as my own despite the flowery print, and Leon and Cloud were sitting way too close to one another for people who were eating.

"Leon," He looked at me and hummed, "I think you should move in."

Cloud started to hack and cough on his piece of pizza and Leon slowly patted his back while still keeping his attention focused on me. "Why's that?" He asked finally looking to see if Cloud was okay.

"I'm sick of doing your laundry."

Leon moved that weekend.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Don't own

 **Warnings:** After effects of abuse. Smoking.

* * *

 **Axel POV**

The smell of french toast is what wakes me up. 'Is it Thursday already?' I wonder groggily until it hits me that I was in Reno's house, and he probably makes breakfast every morning, not just on the mornings of the outdoors group. I sit up in bed slowly, my meds from last night making me have to move slowly or risk passing out.

When I feel like I'm ready, I stand and make my way to the bathroom. Mornings are always slow for me. I end up leaning on the counter, glazed eyes watching myself breathe. I always feel like I'm dying when I wake up, it takes me a second to feel normal. I yawn and wash my hands, I go back to my room and grab a sweatshirt even though it's warm in the house. I'm too lazy to put on a long sleeve, and I don't want to upset anyone first thing in the morning.

Reno is standing at the counter, cooking french toast on a griddle. I sit down at the table and put my head in my hands. Reno is smart enough to not talk, which is a blessing. After a minute a plate of food is placed in front of me along with a fork and a glass of chocolate milk. I look up at him and he smiles down at me. Blinking I muttered out a thank you, before digging into my food.

He sits next to me after turning off the griddle, he has a coffee in his hand and is playing with the mug as he stares out the window. We sit in silence while I eat. I notice him watching me out the corner of his eye a few times, but ignore it. When I'm done I slowly stand up and make my way to the sink. I shakily put my dishes in the sink and walk back over and sit down.

"You got mom's shake I see." He mentions as I slide into the seat.

I nod holding out my hands, "Yeah, it's pretty bad in the morning." My hands shake softly, but to the point where I couldn't take a picture if I wanted to.

Reno makes a noise of agreement and takes a sip of his coffee. "Did you have anything you wanted to do today?" He asks me blowing on his mug.

"No, I don't know Burlington all that well, so there's nothing, in particular, I'd want to do." He says nothing, but nods telling me he heard me. I follow his eyes to the window. There isn't much out there, you could see the neighbors side garden, where a short blonde boy was sitting curled up with a dog. I look back at Reno and give him a weird look, "Is that kid okay?"

He nods at me, "Yeah, I texted his brother."

"Oh."

I watch as the blonde man from yesterday comes out and sits down next to the blonde boy. After that, Reno and I both look away, since whatever happened next is probably private. Reno stands and pulls the curtain closed and goes to dump his coffee. "If you think of anything you'd like to do just tell me. I'll be in my study for most the day, you have free reign of the downstairs."

I watch him as he walks into the living room, then he disappears up the stairs. I chew on my lip for a second, I haven't had alone time in over a year. I walk into my room and grab my laptop and phone if I had the whole downstairs to myself I minus well use it.

After plugging everything in and grabbing the TV remote, I get comfortable.

Time passes, and I start getting bored and tired. Thinking some fresh air would help, I decided to take a walk. I also decide against going up to tell Reno, which is probably a mistake, but I don't care all that much.

I get dressed and take my phone. It's pretty warm outside, but I learned early that people don't like looking at self-harm scars, so I keep my sweatshirt on. I take a picture of the front of Reno's house and start heading left. I had seen a sign coming into the development that that's where the lake access was.

It isn't too long of a walk, which I'm glad about, though if it was any longer I probably would have turned around before reaching the beach. There're some picnic benches surrounding a small sandy beach. I sit at one of the benches and watch the activity of the lake. There're some children playing in the sand, with their mother or babysitter sitting close by, but other than that it was empty.

I rest my head on the bench and feel the warmth of the sun heat up my back. It's one of the first days of summer, so I'm glad I'm out enjoying it. I must have started to doze off because I wake up when I feel a dog come up and start sniffing me. I blink down at the large German Shepard sitting there. She's wearing a tie-dye bandanna over her powder blue collar. I reach down and scratch her head, "Hey girl, who are you cutie?"

She barks at me and started to run away, she runs and brings a stick back. Instead of giving it to me, she walks behind me to someone who was sitting next to me. I turn my head and startle as I see the blonde boy from earlier in the day sitting there. He's wearing a black tank top that shows off many many scars littering his small arms. His blonde hair is spiked high and his ocean blue eyes are watching me. He has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and he takes it between his fingers and flicks it onto the table top.

We stare at each other for a minute before he pulls my phone out of the pocket of my hoodie. "Reno's looking for you." He says, voice surprisingly deep and raspy. He pulls up my emergency numbers, and clicks on Reno's name, calling him. He holds the phone away, which was good since the first thing that happened was Reno yelling my name. "No, it's Roxas... Yes, he's fine... Sure." The blonde hangs up and hands my phone back to me. "He's pissed, just FYI."

"Great," I mumble cupping my face in my hands.

I hear Roxas throw the stick with the dog a few times before she comes over and nudges the stick against my leg. "Daisy no."

I shake my head, "Its okay." I toss the stick for her and turn to look at Roxas. "How do you know who I am?"

He shrugs, "Reno kept talking about you with my brother."

I nod, "And you're our neighbors?" Roxas nods. I stick out my hand, offering for him to shake it. "I'm Axel, I guess."

Roxas smirks at me bringing his cigarette to his lips. He takes a puff and shakes my hand, "I'm Roxas Strife... I guess." We both look over to the parking lot as a car speeds in. "Here he comes."

Reno gets out, slamming the door. He looks around until his eyes land on me, and he starts to march over. "Axel what the fuck?" He says once he's standing in front of me, "I know your an adult and everything, but you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

I sigh and start to shake more, I hate being in trouble. I look down at the sandy grass and try to not let tears come out. "Sorry," I mumbled.

He starts to go off again. "Sorry? You're sorry? I can't even believe you did this. Didn't we go over this at the home? You'd tell me before you left. Holy shit Axel, I'm so mad right now." The more he speaks the harder it gets to keep from crying. I shake hard and flinch at every word he yells.

Memories begin to flood my head of our father yelling at me for stuff. Not even things I'd mean to do, just mistakes. I want to curl into a ball right then and there and probably would have if it weren't for Roxas speaking up. "Reno, shut up."

Reno stops ranting, "What?" I don't need to see it, I don't need to see the look of realization on his face. I don't need to see the pity cross his eyes. I don't need to see any of it. It was the same look everyone gave me after scolding me. Except our father. "Oh."

I close my eyes to try and stop the tears from leaking from my eyes, but they keep coming, dripping down onto my jeans. I can feel myself shaking hard. Even though Reno has stopped yelling, I could still hear it circling my brain. Wrapping tighter and tighter.

"Jesus Reno," Roxas mumbles placing a comforting hand on my back. He starts to rub slow circles, and I don't see the glare he gives my brother.

"I...I'm sorry Axel. I was just scared." I nod shakily. I want to be back in my bedroom, not even the one at Reno's house, but the one I had before my mom died. The one at the shelter, where we would sit and watch the small TV in there to avoid the other shelter guests.

They give me a second to calm down and I stand up, shaking Roxas' hand off. I avoid eye contact as I slide into the back seat of Reno's sedan. Daisy climbs in next to me and lays her muzzle on my leg. I pet her and try to tune out Roxas and Reno talking.

When we pull into the driveway of Reno's house, Roxas shoos him out of the car. Reno gets out and stands, looking down at me through the window. After a second he leaves and walks into the house. Roxas turns to me and places his hand on my leg. "Look, I get it."

I look up at him, finally meeting his eyes. He looks concerned, and it makes my stomach churn. "I guess."

His eyes flicker over my face, and I look away and continue to pet Daisy. "I do, Cloud was the same way. Reno will learn, it just takes time." Roxas reaches back and pulls out my phone again. I watch his hand confused, he's so ballsy. He opens the emergency contacts thing again and adds his number to it. "Since I can't unlock your phone, I'm just putting it here. Text me whenever don't call I won't pick up."

He hands my phone back to me and I look at it. He has a number from New York. I look up at him and he gives me a small smile, "Thanks." I say softly. Nodding he sits back against the seat and takes out another cigarette. "How old are you?" I ask after a few moments of sitting in silence.

Turning he smiles at me, "21, you?"

"Same."

He nods and flicks his cigarette out the door he has open. I start petting Daisy again, not remembering stopping. "Thanks for today," I mention, trying to play it off as no big deal.

Flicking his cigarette again, he speaks. "No problem." He takes one last puff and smashes the cigarette under his sneaker. "I'm going to go now, but feel free to text me whenever." He gets out and opens the back door, calling Daisy out of the back of the car.

I watch him as he walks up to where Reno is sitting on the porch. They talk for a second before the both look back at me. Roxas says one last thing, before walking over to his house and into the backyard. I'm pretty tired from what had happened, and with the sun still beating down on my face through the window, I'm getting pretty sleepy. I don't want to move, though. I sit in the car with my eyes closed for about twenty minutes. It starts getting too hot, so I sigh and resign myself to going inside.

When I get out of the car, Reno stands. I put my head down and try to walk past him without talking. He lets me and didn't follow when I walk down the hall to my room. When I get inside the safe haven that is my room, I lay on my bed and press my face against the wall.

It takes me a second before I decide to text Demyx.

Me: Ugh demmy :(

I know he's at work, but I wish he wasn't I just need someone to talk to that I could trust. I hug my pillow close to my chest and sigh. This might not work out. I might be forced to go to a home again. I might be forced back into the hospital. I … I can't do this.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** last chapter for a bit, I'm moving so updates will be slow on FF. AO3 will have regular updates, though! My name is the same there.

 **Disclaimer:** Don't own.

 **Warnings:** Mental health issues, slight Sora bashing (i love him tho)

* * *

 **Roxas Chapter**

Sleep finally comes to me, and I sleep for a while. I wake up in the early hours of the morning, though, confused and disoriented. Daisy whines as I make my way out the back porch and into the side garden. I don't know why I'm here, but my mind is telling me this is a safe place to be. I'm hidden in the bushes, and I'm pretty sure no one can see me.

My eyes are blurry and wet. I feel like I've been crying, but I don't remember starting. I curl into a ball and lay on my side. Daisy lays next to me and I try and stay silent in case the monsters I feel like are following me find me. They won't go by Daisy, though, so I'm safe.

Cloud finds me as I'm coming out of my episode. He sits down next to me and rubs his fingers through my hair. I look up at him and touch his face to make sure he's real. "You okay Rox?" He asks as I look around. They sky is colored wrong, and the world seems to be moving from side to side.

"Yeah," I mumble closing my eyes and sighing. "I was just a little confused is all," I say as he runs his fingers through my hair again.

He hums at me and pats my shoulder. "Let's go have breakfast."

We eat in his study, he has hundreds of books about various things and hasn't read them all yet. He started asking me to read them before him to make sure they're good. 'I'm a busy man,' was his excuse. Usually, I'll read a book in about a week, depending on how long it is and how tired I am. If it's boring I usually tell him I'm not reading it.

I lay on his futon as he types stuff at his desk. While I got all the musical talent, Cloud got the ability to write like a champ. My other brother Sora is the only one good at psychical things, hence why he plays baseball for his college team.

After a bit of reading one of Clouds books, I set it down and grab my guitar from its stand in the corner. Cloud and I look at each other, me asking for permission to play and him thinking about it. He nods once and I sit back down on the futon and start to fiddle around with it. My fingers ache to play piano, a real one not just my keyboard.

Cloud said if I could stay clean from self-harm for 6 months he'd try and get me one. So far it hasn't worked too well.

I hear a frantic knocking on the door and Cloud and I both get up to answer it.

Reno's standing there with tears in his eyes and on the verge of hyperventilating, "I can't find Axel." He chokes out.

Now I've always liked Reno, but he can be a little dumb, especially when it comes to things that involve thinking in times of crisis. As Cloud drags Reno inside to probably call the police or something, I grab Daisy and make my way to the beach.

I don't know why, but Axel seems like a beach guy. It's a good place to walk to I have to admit. As I crest over the hill, I see a skinny form wearing an ugly gray sweatshirt with a mass of red hair laying on one of the picnic tables.

I check my pockets for my phone, only to realize that I left it in the house. I have cigarettes, though, so that's something. I slide down into the seat next to him, noticing that he doesn't stir, Daisy starts to sniff him and he wakes up a bit. He says something about her being cute, and I have to smile. I love it when people call my monster sized German Shepard cute.

Daisy runs away and Axel looks after her. She ends up dragging a too big stick over and pushing it against my leg. Axel turns and startles at me, I flick my cigarette a few times before reaching into his front pocket where I see his phone blinking.

"Reno's looking for you," I mutter, clicking on the emergency number button. Reno's number is the first one and I press it. I know Reno's just going to start screaming so I hold it away from my face.

When Reno picks up he sounds frantic. The more I say, the more pissed he starts to sound. "I'll be right there." He says, and I can hear him gritting his teeth.

When he hangs up, I give the phone back to Axel. "He's pissed FYI," I say feeling sorry for the poor guy. He puts his head into his hands and looks genuinely guilty. Daisy comes over and asks him to play fetch and I scold her a bit.

"It's okay." He says. He throws it a couple of times before asking how I know who he is.

I want to say it's obvious, you and Reno look more alike than Sora and I do, but I refrain from making a snappy comment, "Reno kept talking about you with my brother."

He nods and asks me if we're neighbors. When I nod, he sticks out his hand, "I'm Axel I guess."

Cute.

"I'm Roxas Strife...I guess." Honestly, I don't even know some days, and the 'I guess' is fitting for today. I groan as I hear Reno's car pull into the parking lot, "Here he comes." I mutter. Reno stomps over, and I try to tune out what he's saying, he seems too angry, though. I'm trying to stay out of it, but when I see Axel crumble against himself I tell Reno to stop.

"What?" Reno comes out of his anger fit and the look in his eyes is heartbreaking, he looks so confused and then it seems to hit him. He pales and looks like someone kicked him in the gut, "Oh." He says barely above a whisper.

When I start to see tears leak onto Axel's jeans I hesitantly reach out and rub small circles on his back. He's surprisingly well muscled for someone so slim. I don't want to get into their business but I can't help but say, "Jesus Reno." Reno looks at me, and he looks broken. It makes me wonder what caused both of them to be like this.

Reno starts to apologize and Axel just nods along like he wants it all to stop.

Axel stands up and we make our way to the car. I follow behind last, no knowing if they want me to ride with them. Reno motions for me to get in with them. When Axel climbs into the back I open the door and let Daisy in with him. I climb in beside Reno and we make our way back to their house. It's a short drive, and I keep looking back at Axel to make sure he's okay. He's just slowly petting Daisy.

When we pull into their driveway, I ask Reno to give us a minute, he does going to sit on the front porch. I end up giving Axel my number and telling him to text me if he needs to talk. I try and make it clear that if he calls I won't pick up. He seems so lost, and it kind of hurts to look at him.

After I say good by and get out, I walk over to Reno on the front porch. He has his head in his hands and he lets out a pained noise as Daisy sniffs him. "I don't know your story." I say, "I'm not even going to ask, but I can tell Axel is in a lot of pain." Reno looks up at me, and I cringe, "I can tell this is hard for you as well. Just try and give yourself a break, and stop trying so hard. He's weak, but you aren't going to break him unless you set it up for him to."

"What do you mean?" He asks me.

I sigh and look back at the car, Axel is staring out the window with a blank look on his face. "If you ride yourself so hard that you end up crashing and burning, then that will break him. He needs you to be strong, just as much as you need him to get better. You need to stay strong, for him."

He sighs and nods putting his head back in his hands again. I lightly pat his shoulder and hear the beeper on Clouds front door go off. "You can do it, dude," I say before walking away.

Cloud is standing there in the doorway looking at me. He gives me a questioning look and I just shake my head. "I need video games." Cloud sighs but goes back to his study at any rate.

The next time there's a knock on our door, it's almost dinner time. I go to open it and my heart sinks a bit, it's Sora.

"Hey, Rox!" I look over at Cloud with a kind of scared look in my eye. Not that I don't love Sora, but... He's stressful to be around. Muscular arms wrap around my waist and squeeze and I struggle a bit. He laughs loudly in my ear and I cringe away, "Don't tell me you forgot I was coming!"

I manage to struggle away and back up against the stove, "I guess I did."

Sora laughs and shrugs and starts talking to Cloud who has thankfully taken Sora's attention away from me. I go to find Leon, just because Sora tends to avoid Leon ("Don't you think he's creepy?"). I find him putting my door back on its hinges.

"What are you doing?" I ask him helping him steady it, "I thought I wasn't getting door privileges back for a while."

He looks at me deadpan, "You think we're going to make you not have a door while Mr. No Boundaries is here? Cloud isn't heartless."

I pout slightly, "I'll have to thank him." Leon grunts in agreement and finishes putting the door on its hinges. He picks up his tools and I follow him out to the garage. I sit on Cloud's car's winter tires while Leon puts his tools away, "I take it you're going to be spending most your time out here?"

Leon looks over his shoulder at me, "I could ask the same thing of you."

I snort. "I wish we had a basement we could dwell in." Leon laughs loudly.

We sit out in the garage for a while, Leon decides he's going to spend time cleaning all of his and Cloud's tools. Something that should take long enough for Sora to be gone before it's done. I'm fiddling on my phone and don't see Cloud sneak up on us.

He coughs and we both look at him. "Are you going to wash Fenrir too?" He asks gently brushing off some dust from the top of his beloved motorcycle.

"I can do that," I say, Cloud snorts at me. "I'm serious, think of it has payment for putting up my door again."

Cloud raises his eyebrows, "Okay then." He walks over to Leon, who hasn't really been listening and instead is just busying himself cleaning. "What do you guys want on your pizza?" He asks so he doesn't startle Leon when he touches his lower back.

Leon looks at him and leans over and kisses him. Leon whispers something in Cloud's ear and Cloud turns beat red and smacks his butt lightly.

"Gross." I mutter, "Also I want barbecue chicken on mine, that's it, though. No pizza sauce either, barbecue sauce instead."

Cloud pulls his attention away from Leon and nods at me, "I figured, are you two going to split that?"

"Yeah," Leon says and I just nod.

"Okay." Cloud says giving Leon one last kiss on the cheek, "Better go get cleaned up then."

I groan and Cloud ruffles my hair as he passes me to go back into the house.

Dinner is awkward as things usually are when all three of the Strife boys are in one house. Leon sits next to me on the love seat as we munch on Pizza and watch some MTV show Sora picked. I spend a lot of the time on my phone to avoid listening to Sora talk and to hopefully keep his attention off of me.

It doesn't work.

"So Roxas," Sora asks and I look up at him, "Did you ever start doing music lessons at that school?"

I blink at him, having no idea what he's talking about, "I don't remember."

Sora nods, "You were really excited about it last time I visited."

"Oh," I say slowly taking a bite of my pizza.

I've started to think Sora's moved on from talking to me, when he opens his mouth again, "What have you been doing?"

I swallow, "Not a whole lot So."

He hums and I see his eyes roam over my barely covered arms. He stops at a cut that looks pretty bad, and he looks up at me. "Did you go to the hospital for that?" He asks pointing to it. "You don't want it getting infected."

I grit my teeth, "Yes Sora, I went to the hospital for it. It had stitches in it."

He hums again and I have to hold myself back from going over and choking him. "You know," He starts and I groan internally, "I've been taking a psychology class at school. It's pretty interesting."

Cloud speaks up, "That's great So."

"Yeah, my professor is having us do a paper on a certain mental illness we find interesting, and I decided to do Borderline Personality Disorder." I suck in my breath through my teeth, "I've learned a lot in fact."

Cloud clears his throat before it can go any further, "I don't think this is really the time to talk about that." He says and Sora nods slowly.

"Okay."

That night I stay up watching movies on my laptop. I want to play video games, I'm horribly bored, but I don't dare go downstairs for fear of waking up Sora and having to deal with him alone.

I love my twin, I do. He just...hurts to be around. He doesn't understand what happened to me, why I ended up like this. He's embarrassed by me now, and I can tell.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N** : Finally a new chapter, or well chapters. I'm uploading up to chapter 7 today to get this to where it is on AO3. Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer** : Don't own

* * *

I don't leave my room for about a day. I don't know whether I was more embarrassed or more scared of what would happen. Demyx ended up texting me later that night, waking me up. I talked on the phone with him for a while, before he had to go to bed. I watched YouTube videos on my phone, having left my laptop out in the living room.

It took Rude knocking on my door the next day telling me supper was ready for me to leave. I take a shower and change my clothes before coming out. Reno gives me a wide-eyed look, and from the bags under his eyes and the red rim surrounding them, he had been upset. I sit down and Rude places a steak on my plate. There's a box of french fries from some local restaurant, and Reno pushed them towards me.

"I'm sure you're hungry." He mumbles. He stands up and grabs a diet cola from the fridge. He places it in front of me and sits back down in his seat. Rude places a steak on both of their plates.

We eat quietly, the only sound being our forks clinking on our plates. When I'm done, I'm ready to go back in my room, but before I can Rude decides to tell me we were having guests tonight. "Our neighbors are coming over tonight." He says as I stand and bring my plate to the sink.

"Oh," I mumble.

"Yeah, it's our night to host movie night. Your welcome to join us, in fact, it's encouraged." I feel like he means mandatory when he says encouraged, so I just nod.

"Okay, I'll try and stay out of my room."

I walk back into my room and change into nicer clothes. I take my phone and go and sit in the living room. I decide to finally text Roxas, and ask him if he's coming over tonight. He texts back right away.

Roxas: Nice to hear from you, finally. Normally I kind of ditch, but yeah I'll come tonight.

Me: Yeah sorry... also you don't have to. I was just wonderin'.

Roxas: :) I'm coming tonight.

Reno comes in and sits down next to me. I don't look up, instead seem interested in my phone. He's tapping his legs with the tips of his fingers, something he's done since he was a kid. He's watching Rude do the dishes, probably trying to not look at me. He sighs and rubs his hands down his skinny legs. "Look Axe..."

I pause, and set my phone down on my lap, I figured he'd want to talk to me at some point. "Yeah?"

He looks over at me, his blue eyes are so much different from mine. His have little crinkles on the side of them smiling so much, though they aren't really all that noticeable. The red lines shooting across the top of his cheekbones are not a new addition. I remember the night he got them, he was sixteen and I was eight. He took me to this shitty tattoo parlor, he got through with a fake ID and got those two. Afterward he brought me to Walmart and got me a book, since he was always trying to get me to read.

For some reason, when I turned sixteen, I had gone to the same parlor and gotten the upside down triangles under my eyes. I think it was an act of rebellion, but I remember getting punched in both eyes that night has punishment, something that didn't happen to Reno.

Reno started to talk again, "I'm sorry about yesterday." He says and he looks like he means it. I nod slowly, not used to people apologizing to me for anything. "I was just scared. You ran away a lot as a kid, and I just didn't want that to be happening." His blue eyes meet my own green ones and I nod again. "I just want this to work so badly, but it's hard you know? It's hard to see you like this..." His eyes move down to my arms which are resting against my stomach. I curl them around my stomach, trying to hide the already hidden scars.

He looks back up at me and frowns. "Do you understand...?"

I nod at him, "Yeah I do."

He lets out a deep sigh and looks down at his lap. "Good." After a second he pats my knee and stands up. He walks upstairs without saying anything else.

I sink back into the leather seat and stare at the floor for a minute. My phone buzzes against my leg and I lazily unlock it to see a text message from Roxas.

Roxas: Fair warning, my twin is visiting for the week, and is very hyperactive. He'll probably be kind of loud.

Me: Kay, that's fine, thanks for the warning.

I lock my phone again and cross my arms. I sit like that for a while, not really registering Reno and Rude getting ready for the company. It's not until the door bell rings that I actually move my head. Reno opens the door, with a wide smile on his face, and lets in the older blonde neighbor, a brunette man I've never seen, Roxas, and another brunette.

Roxas is wearing a tee-shirt this time, one for some band I haven't heard of. You can still see his scars.

He walks over to me and sits down next to me, "Got to get a good seat before everyone piles in here, ya know?"

I nod at him. Rude and the older brunette are talking with each other in the kitchen. While Reno helps the blonde unpack some snacks. The smaller brunette looks around for a second before smiling and walking into the living room. He stands in front of us and sticks out his hand. "Hey! I'm Sora, I'm Roxas' older twin."

"By like two minutes So." Roxas mumbled crossing his arms.

I shake Sora's hand and give him a small smile, "I'm Axel, Reno's younger brother."

Sora nods enthusiastically. "So I've heard!" He sits down in the recliner next to the sofa and looks like he's about to start talking up a storm before the older brunette calls his name. He hops up quickly and bounces into the kitchen, leaving Roxas and me alone again.

We sit together for a bit, and I start to notice that Roxas is pressed closely to me. I look over at him and see he's reading what seems to be a comic book on his phone. "What are you reading?" I ask him.

He looks up at me with an embarrassed smile. "Deadpool."

"I love Deadpool."

His smile brightens. "I think we'll be good friends then."

I smirk and go back to looking out at the kitchen. The blonde neighbor comes in bringing a bowl of popcorn, "Do you mind sharing with Roxas?" He asks me. You can tell he and Roxas are brothers, just by how spiky their hair is, and how blue their eyes are.

"I've washed my hands recently," Roxas mumbles wiggling his fingers in my line of sight. "I usually do it once every week, and yesterday was my day for it."

The older man rolls his eyes and sets the bowl of popcorn down on Roxas' lap. "If you do mind then we'll figure something out." He mutters turning and walking away.

Roxas calls after him, "You didn't introduce yourself Cloud."

The blonde stick his head back into the living room, "I'm Cloud, the grumpy looking brunette is Leon." He gives a short wave and goes back to helping Reno.

"Such a prick," Roxas says laughing. I look at him and smile, "You don't mind sharing do you?" He asks me giving me a questioning glance.

"It's cool."

Roxas nods and goes back to reading Deadpool on his phone. I focus my attention back on the kitchen. I hear the microwave beep a couple more times before everyone moves into the living room. Reno sets a soda in front of me and Roxas before going to sit on the love seat next to Rude. Cloud sits down next to Roxas, and Leon next to him. Roxas ends up getting pushed tighter against me, but it's not uncomfortable so I don't really mind. It's not even uncomfortable when his hand rests on top of mine.

The movie they decide to pick in some action movie, I figured that would happen, since it's a room full of men. They take a vote, which I think is nice. Through the night Roxas continues to offer me popcorn. I take a few bites, but don't eat a lot. I notice a few time that Roxas is watching me, it doesn't make me uncomfortable, but it's a little weird. I guess he must have heard Cloud and Reno talking yesterday or something.

The movies end on an explosion, leaving room for a sequel. Cloud and Leon stretch, one leaves to go to the bathroom. Roxas moves to give me some space, which I'm thankful for.

"Who wants to pick the next one?" Reno asks.

I give Reno a wide-eyed glance, next one? This is a marathon night? Reno stares at me for a second before frowning and turning to mumble to Rude.

Roxas also gives me a look, he nudges me in the side after a second of thinking. "Hey, Axel, do you want to go over and hang out with Daisy?" He asks loud enough for Reno to hear him. "I have to feed her a stuff anyway..." He trails off and looks towards Reno. "I'm sure it's okay if you wanted to join me."

Reno nods at me and smiles encouragingly. "Okay," I mumble.

"Cool." Roxas stands and I follow him out of the house. Once the front door has closed behind us Roxas stretches, his back popping. "I can usually only sit through one of those stupid movies." He mumbles pulling a cigarette out of a pack in his pocket. He lights it with a match and tosses the match on the ground. He takes a puff and starts to walk the opposite direction of his house. I stand there and he turns to smile at me, "You coming?"

I look back at the house then back to Roxas. "I don't want to get in trouble again."

Roxas nods, "Mm, yeah. I'm just walking down to the mail boxes. Short walk because I don't like smoking around Daisy."

"Oh." I start to follow him and he smiles taking another puff from his cigarette. We don't talk all the way to the mailboxes, but instead of silence, it's the noises of the cars going down the highway a few miles away. Roxas grabs his mail and lights another cigarette on the way back. This time, though he offers it to me.

"You smoke?" He asks raising an eyebrow.

I shrug, "Kind of."

He holds the stick out to my face, "If you want it all you have to do is ask." I take it, having not had one for some time. The smoke filled my lungs as he lit another one for himself. He moves to sit on a bench near the edge of the mailboxes and motions for me to sit next to him.

We sit silently for a minute, by the time he starts talking, my cigarette is half gone. "Reno's talked about you a lot." He mentions.

My head bobs softly, "I figured."

I can see Roxas look at me from the corner of my eye. He stares for a second, "I'm not judging you on it, though. I don't even want to know what Cloud said before I showed up at his place."

I hum at him and he continues. "I was in a pretty fucked up place for a long time." He says, "People have been cruel." He looks out across the road, staring blankly. I look over at him and make a noise of agreement. He looks back at me, and even in the dark I can see the pain in his eyes. "You get it."

I nod, "Yeah...I get it."


	6. Chapter 6

**Trigger warning for talk of abuse.**

 **Disclaimer** : Don't own or claim to own.

* * *

The next morning comes way too quickly. Though it may be because Leon decided to 'wake me up' to see if I wanted to join him at the bakery today.

"So you don't have to be stuck with Sora all day." He says standing in my doorway wearing nothing but a pair of sweat pants. I've long since gotten used to seeing the angry red marks that cover his skin, none of them are self-inflicted, though, so sometimes it's weird to see them.

"Did you ask Cloud?" I say raising my eyebrows.

He nods, "Yeah, he said you can if you want to."

I shrug, "Sure." Leon tells me to get dressed. I took a shower last night, so I don't have to worry about that. I wear a long sleeve today since I'll probably be working the register. I spray some dry dog shampoo on Daisy and get her all cleaned so she can sit in the shop with me and not be gross.

I grab my backpack with my essentials in it and go and wait for him downstairs.

Leon's driving is always scary, especially in the morning when he's tired. Luckily there's no one else on the road, so it's not like we're going to get in an accident. We park in the shops parking lot and he lets us in from the back door.

I help Leon set up and start cooking things, it'll be a while before his other baker, Yuffie, comes in. When she gets here she squeezes me tightly and bounces around a bit. Leon tells her to go get to work and I go out front to help clean up the front of the bakery. Daisy sits in the window as I sweep the floor.

It takes an hour before Yuffie comes out and offers me a pastry. "We're trying a new recipe." She says handing me some weird puff of bread. I bite into it and it seems to melt in my mouth with butter and chocolate, I moan a bit and give her a thumbs up. "Great!" She says laughing.

When the coffee shop across the street opens up, I take Daisy and go over to order coffee for everyone. I order a hot chocolate since I know if I drink a coffee, I won't be tired enough to avoid Sora by 'napping' this afternoon. When I walk into the kitchen, I see Yuffie blabbering away at Leon, who is kneading some dough with a serious look on his face.

"Oh, Roxas! You didn't have to buy us coffee!" Yuffie says coming over and taking hers from me, she takes a sip and smiles, "You even remembered how I like it." She pinches my cheek like she isn't only two years older than me and goes back to working on some of those pastries she gave me earlier. I set Leons coffee down where it won't get spilled into any of the dough and won't be in the way then I go back out front.

When the store opens, like I figured, I end up working on the register. We get a fair amount of customers, most of them are friendly, except for a few who look like a tourist.

The bakery doesn't stay open for very long, just until lunch time, then it closes so Leon can go home or to appointments and Yuffie can go to her classes. When it closes today Leon notices how down I am about going back to the house.

"You don't have to talk to him you know." He says as we drive through the McDonald's drive-through.

I sigh and grit my teeth, "I do, though, he doesn't leave me alone." I grab the bag out of his hands and dig out my burger and fries. "I bet he's going to try and ask me questions for his stupid project."

Leon hums pulling into a parking space in the parking lot. He starts to chew on his own fries thinking of a reply. "I'm sure he will, yeah." He says after a minute.

"You're lucky, he's too afraid of you to ask about TBI's," I comment and Leon snorts. "At least he isn't doing it on PTSD, then he'd have an in to ask both of us."

Leon nods and grabs out his burger, "That would suck." He mutters before taking a bite.

I grunt at him, "Hell he'd probably even ask direct questions." I make try and make my voice sound like his, "So Leon how many people did you kill?" Leon laughs at me and I continue, "Roxas what was it like being raped by your best friend?" I sigh and shake my head. We continue to eat but this time, it's in silence. Daisy whines in the back seat, and I pull a treat out of my backpack, along with a bottle of pills.

I give Leon a sheepish smile as he watches me take one of my Klonopin. His hand hesitantly reaches out and scruffs my hair and I smile at him. "Thanks, Leon."

Leon just nods at me.

When we get home I'm super tired, not even tired just relaxed. Sora is apparently out with Riku and Kairi so I have nothing to worry about. I lay down on the love seat and listen to the sound of Clouds bullshit hipster indie music and his keyboard clicks as he writes on the sofa.

I end up sleeping for a while, and by the time I wake up Sora is coming home. Cloud wakes me and asks me if I want to go to my room, but I shake my head and stay on the love seat trying to wake up. I sit up and let Daisy come up and join me. She's so big she has to half lay on top of me, which she probably would have done even if she wasn't so big.

It's nearly dinner, and Cloud is making some chicken dish when normally we would have just ordered out. I notice Cloud has cleaned off the kitchen table, which is normally covered in either motorcycle parts or Leon's woodworking. Sora is sitting in the kitchen chatting up Cloud who looks happy to have his normal brother visiting.

I frown and Daisy raises her head to lick my face. I reach into my backpack, debating on taking another Klonopin, instead I grab out my 3DS. I play Pokémon for a bit until I hear my phone beep telling me I got a text message.

Since I don't really have any friends left, especially none that is going to text me at dinner time, I figure it must be Axel.

I'm right.

unknown: hey it's ax just wondering if you're coming over to movie night, I figure you all are the neighbors that do movie night.

Me: Nice to hear from you, finally. Normally I kind of ditch, but yeah I'll come tonight.

He takes a minute to text back, and in the meantime, I change his contact name on my phone.

Axel Sinclair: Yeah sorry... also you don't have to. I was just wonderin.

Cute.

Me: :) I'm coming tonight.

I wonder if the smiley face is too much. When he doesn't text back I kind of start to worry a bit more. (Un)fortunately, Sora comes over and starts up a conversation.

He sits down on the coffee table facing me. His tan muscles flex as he lightly grips the edge of the coffee table. "So Roxas." He mumbles, blue eyes looking over me.

I try to keep a calm composure, "Yeah Sora?"

He shifts in his seat, "Can I ask you some questions?" I sigh and he crosses his arms. "You know you don't have to be so angry all the time." He comments while pouting slightly. "You used to be so happy now your always such a bitch."

I give him an incredulous look, "Are you fucking serious?"

"Yeah," He says dragging out the 'ah'.

He's the fucking bitch, "You really have no clue do you?" His pout deepens, "No you can't ask me questions, go read a fucking book."

I go back to looking at my phone and he sits there for a while, before grumbling and moving on. He mutters something about me being difficult and I glare daggers at his well tanned back.

He's such an asshole.

I text Axel a warning because Sora can be hyper around crowds of people, especially new ones.

Sora and I used to be really close, especially as kids. We were two stereotypical twin boys, always doing stuff together. We were the ones to exclude Cloud from stuff, not that he wanted to play with us anyway, being much too interested in playing house with Tifa, his best friend then and his best friend now.

When I went off to college at 16, my father ended up moving into an apartment with me. I taught him to Skype, so I could get away with hanging out with my new and uber cool college friends.

That's how I met Jeremy.

I think Sora was jealous because dad was his parent, and mom was Cloud and I's. Dad was big on sports, and so was Sora. When Dad took a job in New York City just so I could go to some fancy music school Sora got angry. Then when I started to throw my opportunity away by being mentally ill, Sora didn't understand why I wasted two years of Dad and his life.

Then I ended up taking away all his attention by being in and out of hospitals and basically burning a hole through mom and dad's savings.

I guess he's bitter because he should have been the star child who got all then attention. He thinks I should have just moved on, but he doesn't know the whole story. Only two people do, Leon and my dad.

After dinner was movie night at the Sinclair house (yeah Rude took Reno's last name, pretty gay right?) I walked in the back of the group, with Leon. I can totally tell Leon's staring at Clouds ass in his tight jeans. I have to admit, if Cloud wasn't my brother, I'd probably be looking too. I nudge him and he stares at me for a second before blushing.

I chuckle into my hand and Cloud and Sora look back at us. I glare at both of them and Cloud rolls his eyes at me. Sora just stares for a moment longer before looking at the door when Reno answers it.

"Hey, guys!" Reno seems cheery, but I can tell he's still hurting from yesterday. Those red tattoos can't hide those dark circles. Reno hugs all of us but Sora. He gives me an extra tight squeeze, which I think is a little odd but I hug him back none the less.

I spot Axel in the living room, he looks as Heroin addict-y as ever. I smile at him, trying to ignore how quickly my heart starts to beat. When I get into the living room I slide down next to him on the sofa. I say some shit excuse line about having to get a good seat and mentally smack myself in the head for how dumb it sounds.

He nods at me and I sigh and look at my lap. I pull out my phone, figuring I'll read some Deadpool. Sora spots us and comes in and introduces himself.

Like a complete ass, he has to mention how he's the older twin. "By like two minutes So," I grumble crossing my arms.

Sora gives me a pout and he and Axel talk for a minute before Sora gets called into the kitchen to help make popcorn or something.

Axel and I are sitting really close, and I can feel the warmth of his arms. I gulp and try to focus on Deadpool. Though I'm not having very good luck doing so. After a second I take a chance and look up at him, he's looking down at my phone. I blush and he notices me looking. "What are you reading?" He asks.

God his voice is deep. Deeper than his brothers even. It's deep and sounds relaxed and smooth.

I stare at him blushing, "Deadpool."

He smiles at me, and it's one of the most genuine things I've ever seen. "I love Deadpool." He says.

I smile back at him, "I think we'll be good friends then." He smiles and nudges me. I don't know if it was on purpose but it was really cute. He looks back out to the kitchen and Cloud comes out with a bowl of popcorn. He asks if we want to share and I say some horribly lame line about washing my hands.

Cloud gives me a knowing look and I tighten my lips. He's going to want to talk to me about this I just know it. Cloud leaves and of course, he doesn't introduce himself. I tell him and he says some quick snappy line.

I roll my eyes and mumble, "Such a prick." Axel looks at me and smiles, and I feel myself melt a bit. "You don't mind sharing do you?"

"It's cool," He says. I nod at him and go back to trying to focus on my comic. I notice how nicely he smells, kind of cinnamon roll like. Sweet but with a spice.

Thankfully everything gets set up quickly enough. When Cloud comes and sits next to me he ends up pushing me closer to Axel. Axel fidgets a bit but doesn't seem to mind. My hand ends up laying on top of his, and he doesn't move away.

I don't really pay attention to the movie, which Sora ended up picking. It's some horrible action movie, and I'm more of a comedy kind of guy. When it's over Cloud gets up and goes to the bathroom. I've noticed that Axel has been staring into space a bit and when Reno asks what people want to watch next he kind of comes to and panics.

I try and offer a suggestion of maybe going over to my place to hang out with Daisy since he seemed to like that yesterday. Reno agrees and Axel follows me outside. I really want a cigarette, so I figure I can go check my mail and smoke a couple before going back to the house.

Axel follows me with a little protest. We make small talk, and when I sit down on the bench to smoke the last one of the night I try and tell him I don't judge him over what I've heard Reno say about him, which isn't too much. I figure it can't hurt to try and play that non-judgemental friend role. Not like I have any other friends.

On our way back to Clouds house he walks with his head down. He looks confused and worn out. He also looks like he's knee deep in his thoughts, which isn't the best place to be.

"Do you like video games?" I ask him shoving my hands in my pockets since it's gotten a bit colder.

He looks at me and shrugs, "I've never really had a chance to play them, to be honest."

"That sucks."

He nods and shrugs again. After a second he decides to ask me something, "What kind of music do you like?"

I smile at him, "All kinds, what about you?"

"Same, though I'm not too fond of Country." I hum at him. He frowns, "It was my sperm donors favorite."

I eye him, and he smiles sheepishly. "Yeah, that always sucks when you have a negative association with something." He nods. I pull out my key and open the door to Clouds house, all the lights are on and Daisy is laying on the couch. She looks up at me and comes over to lick me.

I close the door behind Axel who looks awkward standing in our kitchen. "Want something to eat?" I ask him, "We have mostly junk food, but if you're into healthy stuff there's a bowl of fresh fruit on the counter."

Axel shrugs, "I don't mean to intrude."

I shake my head and pat his arm, "No big deal, take whatever." He nods and just stands there still. I purse my lips and go about feeding Daisy. When I'm done, he's still standing in the same spot, only he's looking down at his feet. "Do you at least want a drink?"

"Sure." He mumbles.

I open the fridge, "Most of our stuff is caffeine free since Leon and I have insomnia. We have some bottles of ice tea, though."

"That sounds good." I hand him one and take a diet coke for myself.

I lead him to the living room and he sits down on the sofa. I sit next to him, but further away than at Reno's house. "Want to watch TV?" I ask. He shrugs and I try to hold back a sigh. I turn on the TV anyway and go to on demand. I pick some cartoon and sit back.

It's a bit awkward sitting here with Axel since he's so closed off. I think he notices, though, because he starts trying to make conversation. We don't talk about anything too important, just general stuff. He asks me about Burlington at one point. "I could always show you around you know, I usually take walks around town for most of the summer."

"That'd be awesome." He says blushing slightly, "It'd be cool to get out of the house."

"Yeah, I remember when I moved in with Cloud I felt suffocated by this place. That's why I started walking." He hesitates for a minute, looking like he wants to ask a question. I kind of laugh a bit, "You can ask if you want. I don't mind."

He blushes, "Well... It's just, with what you said earlier and you know." I smile at him and he continues, "Like," he pauses probably trying to figure out the best way to word his question. "How'd you end up living with Cloud?"

"After like a year or two of being in and out of the hospital, a judge said I wasn't able to handle being my own legal guardian. My parents didn't want to do it since they wanted to retire and they didn't know how long they could take care of me. Cloud stepped up and now he's my legal guardian and I live with him." I really have no problems talking about that part of my life since it's not hard. Especially if I don't go into details. Some might think it would be but... It's the other stuff that is.

Axel nods at me, "Thanks for sharing I guess."

I smile at him, "No problem."

I hear the door start to jingle as the key is put into it and Axel and I both look over to the door. Reno comes in with Cloud, Leon, and Sora. I say goodbye to Axel and Reno takes him home.

Sora ends up going to bed, and I grab some food to take up to my room. Before I can fully escape Cloud and Leon, they corner me at the top of the stairs.

Cloud has his hands on his hips and looks all serious and mom like, while Leon just looks like he was dragged into this by Cloud. "So, Axel huh?" Cloud says with an evil glint in his eye.

I frown at him, "There's nothing going on between me and Axel. I've known him since yesterday. Stop trying to set me up."

Cloud rolls his eyes, "Oh please, I saw how you looked at him tonight. Since when do you go to movie nights anyway?"

"That is pretty out of character Rox," Leon says and I give them an worn out a sigh.

"Yesterday guys." I push past them and make it to my room.

Before I can close the door, I hear Cloud say, "If you feel like confessing we'll listen." I make a loud pained noise and I hear them both laugh.


	7. Chapter 7

Last night wore me out, so I end up sleeping late on Thursday. Reno wakes me up when he starts to make lunch by knocking on my door. "Ax, it's noon you should wake up." I groan and roll over to face my sun filled room. He knocks again, "Come on dude, get up."

I sit up slowly just in time for him to open the door. He gasps quietly, and that's when I remember I slept without a shirt on last night. I cover myself with the sheet and mumbled out an apology. I look at him and he's just gaping at me. I frown and he seems to sober up. "I...it's okay." He says, "I'm making lunch." He then turns and leaves, closing the door behind him.

Sighing I rub the back of my rat's nest of hair. I hate his reactions to looking at me. The first time he saw me without a long sleeve on it was 90 degrees out. I had tried my hardest to wear long sleeves up until then, but 90 was just too hot. It was the day he and Rude wanted to take me to do something "fun" by the suggestion of my therapist. Fun to them was going to a theme park apparently, so I decided to wear shorts and a tee-shirt.

I sat on the front porch with one of the staff members, we were talking about her little girl who had just begun to learn how to talk. I was laughing when he pulled up. I smiled when I saw them, I had been excited about going to a theme park all week. It was going to be my first time at one.

When Reno saw me, he stopped in his tracks, and his face feels. I said goodbye to the staff member and walked up to him. We had just started hugging each other, so I stuck my arms out offering one. He flinched but hugged me none the less. I shook Rude's hand and tried not to notice how much Reno was staring at my exposed skin.

I had a good time, despite the staring. When I got back to the home, the emotions about how bad Reno's reaction to my scars was hit me. I got angry, he was the one who abandoned me and mom, left us with the fucking monster. What did he expect?

Trying to push the memory out of my mind, I got up and grabbed clothes. I needed a cold shower to try and brush off the melancholy. When I got out to the kitchen, there was a sandwich and a note waiting for me on the table. The note was in cursive, and obviously, Reno's handwriting. It said that he was upstairs if I needed anything.

I took the sandwich and a soda into the living room. Mindless television sounded good right about now. I spent the rest of the day staring at the TV. I had forgotten my phone in my room and was too lazy to go and get it. I just kind of dozed off while the TV was on.

Rude came home at around five. "Ren's been upstairs all day," I muttered looking at him. "I forgot to wear a shirt to bed." He nodded once and took off his boots. He made his way quietly up the stairs, and I heard loud sad sounding music for a second when he opened Reno's door.

I got up and walked to my room, there was a few new messages from some of the people I had known at the group home, and one from Demyx.

Dem: Hey brosef! How's life?

Me: meh so far.

He had texted me hours ago, so I didn't expect a reply back.

I spent some time sitting on my bed. I was kind of worn out, even if I didn't do anything today. Lazy days wear me out more than days where I do stuff. I decided to read one of my books, I hadn't had the time to read in a long time, since they kept us pretty busy at the group home.

A quarter of the way through my book, Reno knocked on my door. "Come in," I said, sitting up on my bed. He came in and sat on my desk chair. I stared at him as he looked down at the floor. I let him sit for a minute before I felt the need to say something. "What's up?"

He swallowed, and looked up at me. "Sorry about today." He seemed genuinely sorry, which was nice. He seemed to be a genuine person. "It's just... the scars... I don't expect to see them. When I do it shocks me." I nodded and hummed deep in my throat, urging him to continue. "It makes me remember shit that I thought I had buried. It makes me feel so guilty."

I can see the pain in his eyes when they meet mine. Something inside of me kind of breaks when he looks at me. I don't want to fight him anymore. I don't want to be angry, even if I'm not all that angry. I just want to have what we used to have, back when we were kids.

He looks away from me again and goes back to staring at the hardwood floor. "I don't blame you, you know." He looks up at me with weary eyes. "I used to, I used to be so damn angry with you." Pain flashes through his features again and I continue. "I'm not angry, though, not anymore. You're the only family I have left, and I need you in my life." I trail off and scrunch up my face. Emotions have never been my strong point.

Reno gets up from the chair and sits next to me. His bony arms wrap around me and I hug him back. I try to ignore the wetness growing on my shoulder. I hate it when people cry. I always have. I start rubbing his back when he lets out a sob. I've always been so awkward around crying people. Reno is so much like our mom it's scary. She always needed a hug when she cried.

He seems to sense my awkwardness a few moments later. He pulls away and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. "Sorry." He trails off and looks down at the floor. When he looks up at me his eyes are soft and full of emotion. "I just want you to be happy."

I nod and he sighs standing up. "We're going out for dinner tonight with our neighbors. It's Sora's going away party. You can come if you'd like."

I shrug, "Yeah, I'll go. It'd be good to get out of the house anyway."

Reno gives a curt nod, "We're leaving around an hour from now." He leaves me after that, closing my door softly behind him.

I don't want to waste too much time, so I pick out some nice enough clothes and go to take a shower.

Dinner is at a nice pub in the next town over. We get there after our neighbors, who are waiting for us out front. Sora is bouncing around happily talking a mile a minute to a very bored looking Roxas. For once Roxas is wearing a long sleeve shirt. He looks uncomfortable though and keeps giving Cloud weary looks.

When Roxas spots me, he smiles slightly and waves. My heart skips a beat, and I scrunch up my face. I guess I'm just anxious about being in public. Reno and Cloud hug like two old friends seeing each other for the first time in years, though Cloud is more reserved about it. Rude and Leon shakes hands and starts murmuring to each other about sports or the weather or something.

Sora grabs my arm and pulls me over to where he has Roxas cornered. "Oh my goodness I'm so glad you could make it Axel! It means a lot." He releases me and smiles, "You know, any friend of Roxas' is a friend of mine!"

I give Roxas a weird look, and he blushes glaring angrily at Sora. Are we friends? I can't really tell. I kind of hope so. It'd be nice to have a friend other than Demyx and Xigbar.

Sora continues to babble until a silverette walks up behind him and covers his eyes with his hands. Sora squeals loudly causing me to flinch. I feel Roxas brush the tips of his fingers over my wrist, probably trying to comfort me. I look down at him and smile. He looks shocked for a second, before smiling back and going back to watching Sora.

Cloud calls us over. There are a few more people standing and talking, I recognize none of them. Sora starts to drag his friend into the pub, following the group of people we're with. Roxas drags his fingertips over my wrist again, and my heart skips. He starts following after Sora, and I follow him since we're at the back of the group.

I sit between Reno and the divider wall of our booth. On the other side of me is Sora's silver haired friend. I look around since no one introduces themselves to me. There's a man with spiky black hair sitting next to a girl whose brown hair is tied back in a pink bow. They're sitting across from me, Reno, and Rude. Directly across from me is Leon, who's sitting across the partition from Cloud. Cloud is sitting next to Roxas and another brown haired woman. Sora is sandwiched between a red-haired girl and the silver haired boy.

Everyone is talking happily and looking at their menus. Reno whispers into my ear that I can get whatever and he'll pay for it. I look at him and he gives me a wink, "The fries are really good here." He mentions nudging me in the ribs.

The black haired man hears Reno and starts to talk to me, "Oh hell yeah! These are the best fries in town. You have to get some, it's like a tradition."

"O-Okay." I stutter giving him a wide-eyed look.

He seems unaffected. He sticks his hand out for me to shake, "I'm Zack Fair, it's nice to meet you."

I shake his hand and he smiles brightly. The girl sitting next to him gives a small wave, "I'm Aerith Gainsborough, Zacks fiancee." She says.

"Nice to meet you." She nods and gives me a kind smile.

When the waitress comes around asking for our orders, I end up ordering some fries and chicken tenders. Everyone goes back to talking afterward, and I chance and look over at Roxas.

He looks bored and frustrated. Every so often Cloud will look over at him and he'll smile slightly. Cloud seems like a concerned parent the way he continues to look at everyone and asking if people are doing okay. You can tell he's nervous.

I look over at Reno and see that he's doodling on one of the placemats with a pen. He has a very cartoonish style of drawing and is currently drawing what looks to be Zack and Aerith. Rude is also watching him draw, and the look he has on his face makes me sick to my stomach in a way. It's so loving.

When the food comes, Reno turns over the place mat and allows for his food to be placed on it. The chatter doesn't stop even though we're eating. Though, from what I can tell, everyone is smart enough to eat with their mouth closed. Reno and Zack were correct in saying that the pubs fries are good, so is their chicken.

After everyone is done, we sit around for a while. Some people order drinks. I'm getting kind of tired of being out, and I think Reno notices. He elbows Rude and whispers something in his ear. Rude nods and Reno announces that we're leaving. Everyone says goodbye to us, only Aerith says goodbye directly to me.

Once out of the pub Reno comes and wraps his arm around my shoulder. "Did you have fun, Axel?" He asks leading me to the car.

I nod, "Yeah, they seem like a cool group of people." Reno smiles at me.

When we got home, I had a message from Roxas waiting for me.

Roxas: It was nice seeing you tonight.

I text him back a thank you and get ready for bed.

The next morning Reno wakes me up early. When I go to go to the bathroom, I see Reno and Rude kissing passionately in the kitchen. I watch it for longer than I should have, more interest in the fact that my wiry brother has someone who finds his butt attractive enough to squeeze it.

I shake my head and do my morning routine. When I get out to the kitchen Reno is alone and making eggs. He smiles and hugs me, and all I can think is how not even 15 minutes ago he was getting his butt squeezed.

"Mornin'," I mumble sitting down in my usual morning chair.

"Good morning!" He's so cheery this morning. It's nauseating in a way. He puts a plate of eggs and some toast in front of me. I eat it in silence as he drinks his coffee. "So I figured today we could run some errands? Go grocery shopping and get you hooked up with a therapist."

I nod, still too involved in my eggs. The bread is good and tastes homemade. I am interested in seeing the town and stuff. It should be fun, even if it's just groceries. "Is the bread homemade?" I ask Reno after a moment of silence.

"Yeah, Leon is a baker, and Cloud will sometimes bring us some of his bread from the shop in the morning."

"It's nice," I mumble taking another bite. When I'm done, I sit up straighter. "Yeah, we can do that today. It'd be good to get a therapist."

Reno nods, "It'd be best to do it sooner than later. I'm ready whenever you are." He goes with his coffee and sits down in the living room.

When I'm done eating I clean off my plate and go and get dressed. I'm still pretty tired, having not gotten a lot of sleep.

I couldn't stop thinking about Roxas. Are we really friends? Does he really think I'm one of his friends, or was Sora just saying that? I mean we've only known each other for a little while, but... Friends are nice.

After I get dressed, I go out and signal to Reno that I'm ready. He smiles and turns off the TV. "Ready to go?" He asks. I nod and we make our way to the car.

The grocery store is packed full of middle aged mom's and their young children. Reno lets me get some junk food, but we mostly get semi healthy things to make meals out of. I decide to ask him who's the one who cooks.

"Oh, I do most nights." He says looking at the selection of meat in the butchers section. "Rude doesn't really like cooking all that much." He looks at me and smiles, "Does that teriyaki chicken sound good to you?"

"Yeah," Reno orders some random amount of the chicken and goes back to pushing the cart. "I'm just confused I guess because you were never a good cook as a kid."

He chuckles, "I took some cooking classes. They were a wedding present from Leon."

"Wait, you and Rude are married?"

Reno stops and turns to me, "Yeah, I thought I told you that?" I shake my head. "Hmm, well yeah. We've been married for a few years now." He looks away, as a strange emotion settles itself in my chest.

Am I actually jealous of my brother?

I think about it for a while, the emotion is a mix of jealousy, and disappointment at not being invited to his wedding. I feel like I was kept away from a large part of his life. It makes me sad.

Reno and I don't talk as we make our way to the therapist's office. I'm sure I could have just called, but I don't like talking on the phone at all, so going in, in person, is much easier. Reno stays in the car as I go inside.

I tell the front desk lady that my last therapist sent up a referral for me, and she helps me schedule an appointment for next Wednesday. I go back out to the car and tell Reno who makes a memo on his phone.

"That was easy." He says as he pulls out of his parking spot.

"Yeah," I mutter looking out the window.

Even with the weird feeling that's come over me, I feel like I'm getting pretty well adjusted. Reno and Rude do a lot of things around other people, and they seem like such a stereotypical gay couple. They belong on a TV show or something.

I'm glad Reno's happy. I really am, but I wish I could have been a part of his happiness. I guess I am now. It's under the wrong circumstances, though.


End file.
